i have a hard time with casual relationships (of any kind). i think it's because i don't really open up to people unless i'm pretty close to them or i can see that i can be. so here's my philosophy (policy even, if you will):
a romantic relationship of any kind is a complete waste of time and emotional energy if marriage would never be taken into consideration.
notice i did not say "is not taken into consideration." you can't start off a relationship that way; obviously you're not going to marry someone you just started dating or just realized you have a crush on.
but what i am saying is that it is stupid to begin something that you know will not last. especially something with somewhat of a commitment attached to it, like a relationship. especially especially something that involves any (and probably a great deal of) emotional intimacy and vulnerability. why would you invest so much into something that will, in all likelihood, yield so little? is romantic "love" that cheap? God must have had much more in store for relationships like that.
now, realize that i speak theoretically, as i have very very limited romantic experience. so feel free to contradict or debate with me on this, especially if you have more experience than me (actually i would welcome it). but in my world, where i'm mostly surrounded by people who think that a few months is a long time to date someone, i hate seeing people at such great risk for breakup pain that will likely last longer than they think. and to be honest, i don't quite trust myself to know what will be best for me long-term yet. so. my verdict is this: until i am ready to go down a road that may lead to me thinking about marrying someone, i don't see a need to take it.
Waiting to date until marriage can be seen on the horizon (both from how close you are to that chapter of life, and how mature you and the other person are for that eventual commitment), is wise. You may have to wrestle with this later in life though-- do you define that as something that has to be after college, or when this guy could financially provide for you... or do you break those tradition to consider marriage even in more humble circumstances, instead focusing on his character and maturity?
ReplyDeleteI know it doesn't have to be done (there are high school sweethearts happily married... somewhere out there), but it seems it would be so much harder for a casual relationship that early, to be sustained without progressing somewhere unhealthy for their level of commitment, or without falling apart when changes come with work and college.
If you continue to take seriously Jesus' model for love, and listen to the practical wisdom of mentors you respect, I have no doubt you will receive "romantic knowledge" far superior to whatever might have been collected through experience in high school dating. :)
And lastly, you have a good point that the pain of a failed relationship might be more severe than expected. After all, the "one flesh" nature of marriage doesn't snap together instantly at a wedding, but actually occurs gradually as a relationship grows. However, rejection and breakup should be painful, but not debilitating, if someone is deeply anchored with their identity and security in Christ, who will never reject or leave them. They can move on, trusting that God will show them who they should have a relationship with instead if that person was not right for them.
All that to say, I'd encourage still being careful, as I was not at that point of maturity in my identity in Christ (darn romance seemed too shiny and awesome) at your age, or even a relatively short time ago. Know that the risk and pain can be acceptable though, if the honest assessment of your heart is that Christ is your first and foremost lover, and the potential to seek a particular human relationship is in line with God's will.