that sappy nostalgic coming-of-age post

it's strange.  i've spent the last 13 years working toward a goal, and the last 1  1/2 yearning for it to be over with already.  but now that it finally approaches, i feel hesitant (if you can feel hesitant about something inevitable).

don't get me wrong: i can't wait to get out of high school.  and despite what they say, i can assure you with 98.9% certainty that i will not miss it.  but i will miss a few of the people, and it has only been this year that i've come to realize that.  Jerad suggested (and i think he may be right) that God has perhaps provided these people not only to bless me with some enjoyable relationships at school, but also to help me learn the value of even non-in-depth relationships.  i used to not want those at all, but i'm changing my mind.  can you imagine how overwhelming it would be if all of your friendships were the kind where you discussed deep matters and vulnerabilities?  sometimes i just want someone to have a common interest with (not that there can't be both, or that i can't invest in someone i'm less close to, but in a way it's less weighty, which can be necessary).  if all my friendships were this way, i would go insane, but it's nice to have a balanced variety.

even in my indecision, i am eager and excited for things to come.  but there's still that little part of me that lingers its hold.  well, i still have a couple months to enjoy anyway.

this turned out to be less about nostalgia and more about relationships, which increases its value by quite a bit.  i kind of think this should maybe be two separate posts, but i don't have the time or energy to make that happen, so whatever.

things that do NOT work

• habitually staying up late and getting up early---even to finish work.  my ability to think clearly and focus turns to mud.  also i'm more likely to get upset or stressed out.
• neglecting obligations that i choose to place lower on my list of priorities---it's a choice i sometimes must make, but i don't like it because i have a deep-seated aversion to doing things halfway.
• scheduling out every bit of time in a day---because inevitably, something has to get moved around sometime, or it goes over its allotted time, and then it screws up everything else that day (or week).
• not having everything ready to go the night before---let's face it: i don't think coherently until... 1-2 hours after i wake up, on average.  can't rely on that kind of thinking to decide what i'll need for the day.
• waking up early to get a substantial amount of work done--- ...right.
• working in bed, in front of a tv, with the internet up, or with people around---that's not necessarily all people, but people who are likely to make little comments, for whatever reasons.  my focus is crummy enough already, without extra distractions.  oh, and the internet is sometimes necessary, but usually not.
• setting only one alarm, in an easy place to get to---because i'm a fairly heavy sleeper, so i do things like turn off my alarm without even waking up.
• telling myself when i need to be somewhere---seriously.  then i invariably end up leaving at about the time i should be there already.  much more effective to tell myself when i want to leave, and then when i really need to leave.

i'm also learning that i tend to work best when i am relaxed, which explains my preference for working with music,  without people, and without strict time constraints.

may this help the future me to continue getting better at balancing my overambition with my own limits.