it's not that complicated

have you ever felt a longing to know someone?  or have you ever missed the way a person used to be?  or longed for a relationship with the person they had potential to be?

i'm starting to understand God's heart better.  not that He doesn't love the way we are, but when we chase after other things, He craves the part of us that isn't His.

from the time we're born, we're told "Jesus loves you," and "He died for your sins," and other cliches.  but don't you realize that all He ever wanted was a relationship with you??? He longs for us!  intimacy---that's what He created us for, so that we could choose Him for an intimacy that nothing else will satisfy.  the thing is, even that won't satisfy us if we're not actively pursuing it---this is not something we can go about casually or without intentionality. 

plate-tonic

i'm just going to drop all objections for a moment and imagine: what would happen if i went to all of my guy friends and said this?:

"hi Friend. i wanted to let you know that i really value my friendship with you, and i would hate for anything to ever make it uncomfortable or strained, especially if it was something we could've prevented.  in a relationship like ours, it's easy for people's intentions to become unclear.  so i want to tell you that i currently have no romantic feelings or intentions for you.  i say this not because you're not a great guy (because you are), but for the sake of the peace of mind of both of us."

you (Reader, or anyone else) might balk at the idea of this kind of directness. or you might say, "well, duh. everyone should be doing this."  i immediately spot some challenges with this, such as the fact that the other person might already be harboring some romantic ideas of some kind, and something like this would probably cause the opposite of the intended effect.  the other thing is that if either person ever developed those kind of feelings, they might not feel free around the other, with this kind of understanding established.  they would have to be just as direct as before, and say that something had changed.  perhaps that would actually be healthy.  it would definitely be much less comfortable.

the real trick would be if i could say "...but if these things ever change, i will tell you," and mean it.

but there's something about this scenario that really appeals to me.  because then nobody would have to worry about walking on eggshells around the other person's romantic feelings.  it would be a nonissue (ideally).  no guessing games.  both people would be totally free to be themselves.  it would be more like a brother-sister relationship than anything.  the place where it could get the stickiest would be if either person at any point was not sure how they viewed the other.  but if the two people agreed to keep their feelings ("i think i might have romantic feelings for them") and intentions ("we should start dating") separate during that, then it maybe wouldn't be such a big deal.

that reminds me: i think there should be a term for a male and female set of friends with a non-romantic understanding hanging out.  something other than a "date," because that implies the very thing i'm trying to avoid misunderstandings about.  hmm... any ideas? hehe... a plate, maybe?

feels so good

i've been getting introverted syndrome with my blog.  meaning, i've been wanting to write more, but i haven't had much that's new to say.  or when i have had thoughts, they've gotten stuck somewhere in the articulation between my head and my fingers.  but i think this is easing up, so i hope to be writing here more.  :)  reunited!

here's an unattached, undeveloped thought to start out:  if/when i get married, i hope that we never run out of things to say.

"oh, you're one of those people"

...has got to be one of my most dreaded responses. it's like saying:

"you have that one quality/interest/opinion that's different from mine, so you must be just like all of those other people that i can't stand."

and as much as i'd like to be able to say that i don't care what other people think about me, it's often more of a goal than a reality. which is maybe why i'm sometimes so passive.