deception

halfway through watching Inception, i realized it was the wrong movie for taking my mind off of things (i was a bit...emotionally unsettled).  later on, i realized it was the right movie for making me think about things in depth.

here are the facts:
- i am highly valued by many.  i don't know of any (earthly) enemies.
- a lot of people see me as respectable and mature.
- God made me for a purpose.  He values me for more than what i am.
- He has great plans for me.  He works things out for the best for me.
- He never leaves me.
- He understands me.
- good things often require great sacrifice.  and patience.
- Satan often incorporates facts into his deception to make it more believable and undeniable.
- i have struggled a lot with making good friendships that last.



"you keep telling yourself what you know.  but what do you believe?  what do you feel?"

i've found some of the perps that are infiltrating my mind:
- you don't have a real place anywhere, or a true belonging.  when it seems like you do, it's only a temporary illusion.  it'll end before long.
- people might like you well enough, but you're not essential to anyone.
- you will probably always ultimately be alone.




what the heck????  this is utter crap!  i can give more facts, specific ones too, to prove it!  there's no reason for anyone to be worried.  i am confident in the falsehood of these stupid falsehoods.  when i wake up todayrow, i'll probably be like "man, what a drama queen!"

but they have been stuck right in there somewhere for at least nine years.  i don't believe it.  but sometimes i still feel it.

i thought i was kinda past this.  God, please make it stop.