lately i've been finding life a little bit discouraging because it seems that no matter what i do, i still end up letting almost everyone down in some way. not like i drop the ball every once in a while, like a human, but every day, constantly, never quite being what i should or meeting any expectations.
"that's how you feel, but i'm sure that's not actually true."
yeah? you're sure? maybe you're kind of right. not totally right, but a little. maybe.
it's kind of stupid: i don't do the things i do for anyone's approval, but somehow i still catch myself seeking it, which i hate entirely. but today (or was it yesterday?) i received a helpful reminder.
whenever i feel weak, or inadequate, or flawed, or powerless, or helpless, it's not necessarily a bad thing. it's a reality check. because i am, all of those things and less. i'm an amazing creation, but still rather insignificant in the scheme of things. because actually, it's God's power that somehow manages to do anything through me. the more i let go and stop trying to figure everything out, the more He has to work with. especially if i focus on pleasing Him instead of everyone else. it's kind of reassuring, really.
ahh... i don't know.
"don't know what?"
anything. but it's ok i think.
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