- it takes me so so so so long to develop those friendships--just to abandon them as soon as i don't see people on a daily basis anymore? it's not like i keep in touch with all of those people still, but some of them i genuinely miss. and facebook, whatever benefits it has, is no way to sustain a friendship. period.
- this is the thing i dreaded most about leaving high school. and the thing i struggled with most while i was there. it's not just the roles people play in my life that matter. it's the people themselves.
- is this going to happen with college too? "well, i don't see them anymore... it's ok, i'll just make some new friends." what's even the point? will this awful cycle ever stop??? how can i explain the importance to me that friendships don't break? i know sometimes they must, or the thing that sustained them ceases to exist, but come on! this is the reason i haven't dated up to this point. are relationships of such casual importance that we can just discard them and pick up somewhere else?
in general, i don't do casual relationships very well. i mean, i have them, but if i'm going to invest in something, i want to make it last, not just drop it as soon as it's inconvenient. it's not just some kind of cheap product from China. and the more i've invested, the more my heart breaks when/if the friendship falls apart. this is so important!!!! how can i communicate this?
some thoughts for you to taste and see if they are good.
ReplyDeletein your worldview, fulfilling relationships must be either long-term or avoided. is this requirement based on your beliefs about the way things are, or is it based on your circumstances, both internal and external?
put more simply: do you need relationships to be solid & reliable investments because a) anything else is ethically wrong, or because b) you are in your present condition incapable of finding fulfillment in short-term relationships?
if b is true, then would you be interested in acquiring the ability to gather satisfaction from even the temporariest of friendships?
it is possible, and useful, to develop the skill of bonding meaningfully with someone very quickly, *without* developing the expectation of a long-term commitment of any kind. i have categorized this skill under "wisdom" because it requires one to practice being wise before it yields fruit.
if you wish, i will demonstrate it in person for you... but i think you already have the skill itself (or at least, it is a Class skill for you). it can be developed further.
a young lady strikes out from home to see the world and grow. she brings lembas bread, along with water, because these sustenances keep well, meet her needs, and are her favorites.
weeks into her journey, she finds that the lembas is, inexplicably, spoiling... and her very large camel-pak has sprung a leak about 1/4 of the way up from its bottom (meaning she can now carry only 25% of the water she could carry previously). she realizes that she must either starve / die of thirst, or else forage many times daily.
food is plentiful in the forest, but it consists of tiny nuts and berries, each of which must be painstakingly scavenged. streams likewise abound, but they are tiny, and her camel-pak carries only a small amount now anyway.
"this is not how one should live," she fumes aloud. "i was designed for feasts, and a home with a pantry, and springs of living water which runneth not dry!"
[Choose your ending: 1) the girl insists that the forest provide a horse-drawn wagon full of provisions enough to get her to the next city, where she will make her more permanent home. she then dies. 2) the girl develops a new skill for scavenging quickly, while still making good her journey, and develops also a taste for the tiny but sweet berries & hearty nuts available to her, and decides that rather than becoming frustrated at the need for hourly water-gathering, she will instead use those opportunities to rest a bit and enjoy the forest's beauty.]
p.s. it is also possible to revive friendships which have seemed to die but are only hibernating. this truth has saved my life more than once.
Deletep.p.s. the most intense relationship I have yet experienced developed over the course of ten years. electronically. if Facebook is no way to sustain a friendship then my experience is completely invalid :(
ReplyDeleteThe loss of past friendships has had a really surprising effect on me, with some of those former figures reappearing in my most unpleasant dreams... even though I don't consciously think of them and I have little regret for my part in said parting.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to share something more genuine and less philosophical.
I think there's a purpose for you being discontent. In one way, even a Christian worldview affirms that our life will be in an ultimate sense nomadic until this age is remade through fire... but this truth is balanced with the eternal importance of humans themselves. It's worth questioning our culture's view of friendship, and balancing necessary adaptation to how things are with potential for what might be.
*Looks at Isaiah* To borrow your parable, the girl can direct her discontent towards possibilities which defy the environment's restrictions (with that energy she has left after immediate survival needs are met)... such as by adjusting her migratory path towards more bountiful land, or gradually cultivating a garden. The same God who tasked humanity with spreading across Earth and preaching to all nations also commanded multiplying and discipling of community in the wake of that sojourn.