locus of control

i have a bad habit of overanalyzing every situation i find myself in, especially the negative ones.

i've always seen this constant analysis of everything as a two-edged sword, but as definitely having its benefits. this same type of thought process is what helps me to find out what went wrong and avoid those results in the future, right?

wrong.

or--well, maybe. but the problem with that way of seeing the world is that life is not necessarily a series of if-then scenarios. i have control over my own choices, and those choices make certain events more or less likely to happen. but few things, if any, are certain--most situations have a lot more variables than just my own choices. i tend to think i have much more control over outcomes than i actually do.

there are a lot of offshoot topics from this conclusion, but the one i would like to focus on for now is the aftermath of something happening. for the sake of clarity, let's assume something unfavorable has happened. normally, i would go over (and over and over and over) in my head every single thing i did leading up to the thing happening, and try to figure out what i should have done differently, and what i should have realized at the time. i do it with the pretense of avoiding similar problems in the future, but i think subconsciously i'm trying to gain a sense of peace or closure by regaining a sense of control over my own life. and this is generally the wrong approach (at least for me, with the natural tendencies i have). why?

because it literally does not freaking matter at all what the situation is. (that's even assuming my perception of the situation is 100% accurate, which is highly unlikely.) it does not matter if my unpleasant reactions are justified or not. it does not matter if someone else is to blame. at this point, it doesn't even matter that much what caused the situation, unless something very obvious should not be repeated. it is in the past, and i do not have any control over the situation anymore. i can't go through life expecting the universe to baby me and cater to my natural skills and my biased sense of justice. my own internal journey is certainly shaped by my experiences, but it is not anyone's responsibility but mine.

so what do i do?

focus on changing what i can. present reality, not assumptions, myself, not others, internal, not external. there are a lot of events i cannot control, but i can learn to control my own reactions. for example: this is what i'm feeling right now. it is not reliant on the actions of other people or the variables in my circumstances. it may be healthy, or it may not be, but it is my internal reality, and i have to come to terms with that first. and then, how do i grow from this place?

that, detective, is the right question.