hevel

it's always odd, these reunions.

like re-learning how to ride a bike. yes, it's the same in theory, but what if i fall? or maybe it's like a dance at first. each of us is so alert, paying absolute attention to the other's steps, anxious to sync up.

and then at last we do, and we can breathe easy.

once again, we can talk, not just to update, but to commune. once again, we can laugh, not just simultaneously, but together. we are free to share our interests, our stories, our time, our space, our lives.

you are merely you, and i am merely me, neither with any pretense.

the world is at rest here. everything feels natural and right once more, as it once was and was always meant to be.

and then the time comes when we must part. and in that moment sinks the full weight of how much i will, no, i already do miss you.

how on earth can i bear this?

i've managed to ignore the absence of your warmth, the unpretending and unshowy nature of your cherishing. your unwavering and unconditional regard for me. the ease of being around you. your deep and comprehending mind. your pure smile.

your face is right in front of me, and i miss it.

i tell you so, but the moment slips through my fingers like water. the present is already past.

i say Good Night, because to say I Love You would be not only insufficient, but impossible. but then i think better of it. i say the words anyway, in case my impossible meaning could reach even just a little bit closer to the Truth, though my words could never make you understand.

but as you return them, your face tells me that you do.

and then it's over, and we're gone. and i must learn again from scratch how to live with only the vapor of you.