a little more than useless

at any given time, i might have 100 things going on in my head (well... a lot), so it usually takes me a while to process things.  that's why most of my blog posts spend at least a few days in my head or in the draft folder.  this one is no different.

this was on Thursday.  i already love Thursdays, for a few different reasons, but mostly because of youth group.  but this (last) Thursday at youth group something happened that happens...well, hardly ever, it seems.  i felt a strong need--a burden almost--to help a specific person, and i actually could.  well, i couldn't do anything about the thing that was actually going on in the person's life, but i at least successfully let len know that i was concerned, and then cheered len up.  i've been growing more excited about serving at youth group, especially with our new online Bible study system, but this was kind of a spark.  soo cool.

at some point while i was with the person, i realized that the way i was interacting was possible only for someone in the position i'm in as a student leader.  what i mean is this: had i been an adult leader, my availability to hang out would have been limited because of my role as a non-peer, but had i held no leadership position at all, i may not have had as much influence over len.  (i feel i should add that if i've ever had a real influence on anyone in a meaningful and lasting way, it has not been more than a couple times, and i have not been more than vaguely aware of it.  not sure that this was, but it seemed to improve the person's mood at the time at least. a beginning maybe.)

anyway, my point is that for the very first time ever, i'm realizing that the point i'm at in my life right now actually has some unique advantages.  before, i've always considered teenage years to be sort of an awkward transition--something to get out of as soon as possible.  but on Thursday, i saw that perhaps it can be something more.  and i felt helpful for once.  and i felt so alive (that lingered too), and so excited.  perhaps i really can be...