Saturday, March 19, 2016

still small

i am learning how to decipher God's voice.  believe me or disbelieve me--or call me crazy if you think that.  if i were more combative or at least better at debating, i would welcome the challenge.  as it is, i'm open to it, but that's not really what this is about.

i think i accidentally ran a red light tonight.  it was one of those frontage roads, and i just kind of missed it--until i had already passed it.  pretty stupid, and i knew it.  and the guy behind me also made sure to let me know with his hands as he passed me on the next road.  whatever.  i didn't feel bad because of him, but because of myself--because i know better.

well, i made it home safely, if less "up" than earlier.  it wasn't just the driving incident that was bothering me--also my lowered performance in school, and music, and pretty much just life in general.  sometimes it's all i can do not to let the discouragement of it paralyze me from getting work done (not to sound overly-dramatic here).

anyway, i was thinking about my times with God, and how they haven't exactly been that consistent either.  it's kind of like when you know you've been a jerk to someone or failed to fulfill an obligation to them, and them you have to face them.  but then God said, "Elisa, you have devoted your whole life to following me.  I am so proud of you."

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