"this is exciting," she said sarcastically. unlike most times when i write here, where the words are pouring out of my brain because i can't contain them, in this case, it feels like i've been trying to contain them for so long, and repeating them to myself to keep from forgetting, that they've become somewhat stale. mental constipation. the thoughts here are months, even years old. so we'll see how this goes!
basically, this is kind of a reiteration of an old post, but approached from a slightly different angle. it begins with questions, as so many of my posts do:
how would my life be different if i had been born as someone else? what kind of person would i be? what would i believe about the world? how would i approach other people? what biases and assumptions would i hold?
how much of my thinking and outlook is there simply because it's what i've grown up with?
this is not a strike against my upbringing--on the whole, i think it was a good one, and i've been remarkably fortunate. blessed, even, though the precise meaning of that word is a whole blog post all on its own. but everyone has blind spots. i don't want my entire outlook to be informed by habit.
i think i said this last time, but let's take religion as the most extreme and important example. i am a Christian. i have made this choice over and over again, as you do with any commitment to someone. and i am 100% convinced it's true. but. that Mormon who came to my door is 100% convinced his religion is true. that Jehovah's Witness who talked to me on the street is 100% convinced her religion is true. the Muslim i passed the other day is 100% convinced her religion is true. and the atheist i work with is 100% convinced it's all bogus. the crazy thing is, each of these people likely has as much reason behind their convictions as i have.
conviction does not mean truth. so that can't be what faith is, even though that seems to be what many of us cling to, if we're honest. that's where the expression "blind faith" comes from. believing that something is true just based on your own convictions is circular--i believe it because i believe it, therefore, it's true. that's not a virtue, it's just stupid. and probably no one would admit to that kind of logic when it's phrased that way, yet we blind ourselves with it, because even many (if not all) of the reasons behind our convictions are centered in that already-held worldview.
le example:
a question like "why do you believe what you believe?" i think, is something one should have a ready answer for, no matter who you are. normally as Christians, we have answers like, "well here is what God has done in my life," which is something no one else can really deny.
but. perhaps it's time to take this one or two steps deeper:
if you weren't a Christian already, how would you interpret this series of events?
of course that would depend on what kind of worldview you were coming from. or here's another question:
if you had no biases and did not have a pre-established worldview (which is technically impossible, thus the theoretical nature of this scenario--we're always trying to see past our biases), what worldview would you choose? if you still say you would choose Christianity, why?
i have never put these questions (at least, with this type of phrasing) to anyone, and i have no idea what anyone i know would say. i hope they wouldn't react badly to my even asking the questions. but i think this is important for me to do, but maybe also for other people to do too?
i don't actually expect to come to a conclusive answer simply through research. i think if there were a clear and obvious belief system that were easy to accept, everyone would know it already. that's not to say that i don't think there is an ultimate truth. i think there is. but i don't think it's that simple. anyway, if i don't even try to investigate opposition to my own opinions and beliefs, i have no leg to stand on. why do people believe these things? why should i believe what i believe rather than what they believe? why should anyone believe what i believe?
if i've never seriously considered believing anything but what i currently believe, can i really claim to have chosen it, or did i just take the default option? who am i to assume that i among so many have been gifted with the complete truth among falsehoods?
my desperate hope is that God reveals himself as the author of truth. in the words of Reese Roper, "my only hope is that you cannot not be real." i want to believe that "the truth will out," and that a work of art always points back to its artist. if what i've been taught is true, i don't need to worry, because God will reveal himself to me or lead me back to him anyway, but even that is a stance which brings up a full plethora of other questions for me. maybe that's what faith actually is.
(i went back and compared this post with the other similar one, and it's interesting that i ended both with a speculation about what faith is. but last time, the conclusion was roughly, "maybe it's faith if i make a choice and trust that it's the right one." in this case, it's more, "maybe it's faith if i step out and go explore the back woods, trusting that the truth will lead me home again." similar but different.)
practical steps to take:
- learn as much about the depths and origins of my own worldview as possible (good job, you're already doing that.)
- learn as much as i can about as many other worldviews as i can.
- find out as much as i can about people who believe those things. maybe meet and talk with them.
- try viewing the world through those lenses, and compare with my own thoughts and experiences.
- talk to people who have converted to Christianity from other worldviews. and maybe also people who have converted from Christianity to other worldviews, and also, in general, from one worldview to another.
- other stuff
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