slippery footholds

yesterday i alluded to the fact that it feels faithless to question the things i've always believed, and even God himself. today i would like to expand on that. because it is being drawn to my attention more and more that it is anything but faithless, and that, in an ideal usage for a Christian, these times of doubt and questioning are useful tools for growing one's faith, and from this worldview, are meant for that very purpose.

"hold up. are you saying God wants me to doubt and question him?"

yes!

"that's ridiculous."

you say it's ridiculous because 

a) you probably don't want me to doubt and question you--most humans prefer to be validated. God doesn't need my validation, so this wouldn't matter.

or

b) doubt and questioning appears to be the path of apostasy. and what i am saying is that if it is done right, it strengthens one's faith rather than weakening it, because you're no longer pretending to be satisfied by answers that don't match your life experience, and are instead replacing that pretending with experiential knowledge.

and i say this with confidence because God exemplifies for us how to question him.

i can't believe i've been a Christian for this long and not internalized this, but at least i'm starting to get it more now. you see this kind of attitude all over Scripture, especially in places like Ecclesiastes, Job, Lamentations, and many of the Psalms. lamentation seems to be, at least in some circles, kind of a lost art. which is desperately sad because in times of doubt or questioning, lamentation is the key to growth. but instead, we tend to withdraw--from God, from the Church, from anything that will actually help us work through the doubt--especially if we feel like we will be shamed for asking risky questions.

i would like to pause to draw a distinction. i've been saying "doubt and questioning" a lot, but it's important to recognize the difference. doubt is most effective as a catalyst. like a warning sign. it alerts you that something is off. it doesn't always tell you what is off, or why, or what the answer should be. like a check engine light. and like a check engine light, if you ignore it or don't pursue it, it stops being helpful. it's up to you to do the work and find out what's going on at the heart of this situation.

that's where questioning comes in. questioning is the active response to doubt, and though it sometimes carries a negative connotation, i'd say it's step one on the path to growth. it clarifies and specifies what doubt calls into question, and it makes it possible to pursue answers. (like that whole thing from Hitchhiker's Guide . . . "you can't know what the answer means until you know the question," and all that? anyway . . .)

saying, "i don't know if i really buy all of this," and then dropping your faith like a hot potato is pure doubt. saying, "i don't know if i really buy all of this," and then saying, ". . . because of all these reasons, what do you have to say now, God?" is starting with the questioning. doubt is stagnant, while questioning is active.

in other words, don't doubt your faith, or at least don't stay there. do question your faith, and pursue the answers.

(on an tangential note, i would question the effectiveness of a faith that is stagnant, even if it seems firm in what it believes.)

laments in the Bible are everything i knew i wanted, but didn't, for whatever reason, realize were there. i think i've always gotten caught up in the imagery of it. but when you follow the logic of what some of them were saying, it's a lot of what my own internal dialogue wrestles with every day. for example, Psalm 73 is basically "God, everyone says you're good, but then why is there so much injustice? i want to join the faithless--at least then i'd be having a good time. but instead i'm over here staying true to you, and am getting nothing for my trouble." (ok, so i paraphrased for my own optimal understanding.) 

but here's the trick. he's not just being snarky. he's legitimately asking these questions, and seeking an answer. and he gets it in the next section, where he's like, "ah. so i'm a jerk, and also i see that what i have in you is so much better."

conclusion: i'm convinced that every Christian experiences times of doubt in their faith. i think it might be common to just repeat what we've learned until we've re-convinced ourselves of it, but i don't actually think that exemplifies what faith is meant to be, nor do i think it's the best approach. i think questioning one's faith is not only not shameful, it's something we should all be doing. leaning into the doubt instead of avoiding it, honestly questioning, and laying your honesty before God for him to unravel? this is how faith becomes stronger. God is a big God--he can handle your questions.