fear and desire: part ii

sorry if i repeat myself a bit from the last one.  the last post was about the fear.  this is about the desire.  and my greatest desire (or one of them, at least) is to have a best friend.   even the most mundane activity, when done among friends, can become fun, while the most intriguing can lose its fire without anyone to share it with.

"well that's easy.  your best friend is just whoever your favorite friend is."

no.    no.     no.

i may not be picky about a lot of things, but this...  oh, where do i start?  actually though, i don't expect this to be very very long, since i've said a lot of this before.

for a super detailed version of this, click here.  or visit the post before this one.  for a more succinct and relevant version, you've come to the right place.

the main thing is that if i have a best friend, i have to be their best friend too.  it has to be completely mutual understanding and confiding and enjoying.  that's where the other posts come in--this is just to add on.

sometimes my friends can't understand me because of differing values or interests.  sometimes i can't understand them because of an experience difference.  sometimes we just can't be best friends because they are romantically attached to someone else, who, by definition, becomes their best friend.  i still value all of these highly, and always will, and always will invest in them unless something important prevents me from doing so.

call me an idealist.  it's probably true.  i'll still be the best friend i can to all of my friends, but i am unwilling to change my definition or desire for this.