getting zoned

[12/16/14 1:49 am]

there's something i would like to clarify, first here, but eventually everywhere.

the friend zone is not a trap (for me).

i'm not bringing this up because i've had an issue with this recently, or because i expect to, but because i would like to have this thought out already in the event that it should.  i'm thinking of this now because i'm realizing more and more that people usually spend much more time and energy assuming things than communicating about them, so i need to be really careful not to give anyone inaccurate ideas.  especially since friendships with guys often seem more natural to me--there's a lot of room for miscommunication there.

hmm... i'd like to start this differently.  sorry if this post ends up just being conglomeration of scattered thoughts.





when i have a crush on a guy (it has happened on occasion, even with people i'm not that close to, but it's mostly irrational), i typically spend quite a while in denial about it, then have a serious mental discussion with myself about it, own up, then try to forget it as quickly as possible.  the conversation with myself usually goes something like this:

"ok, what is it you actually want here?"
"mm... not sure exactly."
"romance?  boyfriend-girlfriend things?"
"no!!! weird!"
"one-on-one time?"
"even that would be fairly awkward at this point.  i think i just want to get to know him better, that's all."

category: platonic friend.  (a little different somehow, but still.)  problem solved.



now, when a guy has a crush on me, i usually try to ignore it (ok, and deny it too).  then when that stops working, i do my best to detach him gently without letting on that i'm doing so.  i'm not sure how effective i am at hiding it (probably not very), but oftentimes we become better friends later.

which brings me to my point...


being "just friends" is actually more of a compliment coming from me.  it means that there are specific essential things that i value highly about someone, including the ability to hang out without it being weirdly romantic.  since at this point, romantic relationships don't match up with my goals or foci in life anyway, it's kind of a moot point, but i would be much more likely to date someone i was already good friends with than someone i had a crush on from a distance.

the "friend zone" is not a relational death sentence.  it can be a destination, but it can also be an essential stepping stone.