a purpose for jealousy

does jealousy really have a purpose, as ugly as it looks? actually, i think it does. at its core, jealousy says, "what is rightfully mine has been taken by someone else. therefore, i am the victim of injustice."

so, this is a good sign (kind of)! at its core, it means that we want justice, and for all to be right with the world (like the idea of shalom).

situations in which this is a proper response:

- someone is married and their spouse is cheating on them.

- possibly other things, which i can't think of.

also, this definition explains why God is sometimes described as a jealous God. that always rubbed me the wrong way because of the negative connotations of jealousy, but really, he's saying, "these people were made for relationship with me, but they are being deceived and rebelling themselves into situations that are far from me, and moreover, are full of all kinds of other injustices." (i might actually amend my definition here, at least for this purpose. i think God's jealousy would probably include, or maybe even be based in, a great deal of compassion, since we would ultimately be the victims of the injustice of deception, rather than him being wronged by his creation.)

now here's where it gets twisted. the problem is that very rarely (in my experience) is there an actual foundation for us to believe that something is rightfully ours. it becomes a lot less about, "that thing is rightfully mine," and quickly turns into, "i want that thing." of course, this mentality can take us down many rabbit holes, but i'll decline for today. philosophically, what's happening is "whoever wants the thing the most has the right to have it." and actually, many might not object. and since i can't know how much other people want something compared to how much i want it, it's easy for me to be convinced that i want it the most. the problem is that we're now basing right and wrong on desires that can be twisted and manipulated as easily as play doh, and additionally, those rights and wrongs are going to look different for every person.

"so where does that leave us? how do we know whether something is rightfully ours?”

well, this comes down to worldview. since i am a Christian, i will answer from what i believe, which is that what you think is rightfully yours probably isn't. everything you have, everything you do, every relationship, every bit of energy and time--you are simply a steward of it, and God is the one who has given it to you to care for. as long as you are in his service (and technically, even if you aren't, but that's another matter entirely), you have to recognize that everything is rightfully his, and you are contributing to the rightness of the world when you take care of what is his. and if it is taken away, it's no longer your responsibility.

"ok, but you just said that jealousy would be justified in a marriage situation."

so i did, because marriage is a lifelong, God-ordained covenant. you have committed yourselves to one another in holy matrimony. therefore, you rightfully belong to one another. (this also goes along with marriage being a model for Christ and the Church.)

other covenants and agreements might be situations in which something rightfully belongs to you, but in our culture, it's difficult for me to say. perhaps this doesn't need to be a comprehensive list of all the scenarios in which jealousy would be a just reaction. and anyway, this is primarily directed at myself, so for me, it comes down to this:

- ask yourself if what you are jealous over is rightfully yours.

- ask God if what you are jealous over is rightfully yours.

- ask God to improve your sense of rightness and justice.