[written circa 1/25/11]
what can i say? i've done the same thing again. i've seen too much of myself and somehow overlooked what's really important. i've done it again. i've let my own selfishness and pride block my view of You, the reality.
how is it that every time i try, i get better, closer to You; i've made a little headway--then all of a sudden, i find myself back at the beginning, starting over?
this is all my own doing. i have no one but myself to blame. and yet, i can't be responsible myself. all i can do is cry for Your help.
help me Lord, because i can't find my way. i don't know left from right, up from down. show me You, so i can see enough to follow.
all this time, You hear my cry. You see me blindly stumbling around. all this time, You're right by my side. You're telling me, showing me...
"I'm here, my child. I am the way. You know Me; I am your light. I'll lead the way. All you must do is follow."
as i cast away these things that hinder my journey toward You, i know that i will never be perfect. yet through Your unending love and forgiveness, i know that I don't have to be. all i must do is listen and follow You.
"After every failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important [any virtue] may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God."
ReplyDelete-C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity
Sorry if quoting a book seems pretentious, but your experienced recorded here reminded me of a favorite concept: God can grant us morality without any expense, but encouraging you to try and stumble is perhaps the hardest thing even for He who is all powerful.
Still, while perfection is outside your ability and perhaps currently a distraction from the path Christ has been leading you on, His goal has always been nothing less. He will relentlessly pursue that in you at any cost, even if it takes your entire life and death to bring you there.