...or something. anyway, i just need to get it all out, "to tell you how i'm feeling," so that all this chaos will stop clogging all my mental tubes. wow... too much internet[s]. uhm. anyway... i'm feeling...
- frustrated at all the selfishness i've built up over time that i can't seem to shake.
- frustrated at my own lack of discipline.
- DISAPPOINTED because worship-team-ness, which i've halfway missed out on for three months and i was looking forward to most about Christmas, will not happen (for me) this Christmas Eve because i will be out of town (along with other things...).
- sad because marching season is all over.
- relieved because i now have more time.
- sympathetic (or empathetic?) because so many people around me are going through extremely difficult things.
- frustrated because i have no idea how to help or encourage any of these people.
- irresponsible (as a student) because i procrastinate to the extreme in pretty much all my classes and have a B in one.
- irresponsible (as a musician) because i rarely practice more than four times a week, if that.
- irresponsible (as a friend) because i don't invest as much as i want to in any of the relationships i have.
- irresponsible (as a Christian) because i don't spend nearly enough time with God, and i think i still blend in with the rest of the population pretty well, and i still have many many friends/acquaintances in whom i know of no spiritual change (for better) whatsoever since i've known them.
- frustrated because so many people take so many things so unseriously.
- restless because i think (hope) God might have some BIG plans for me, but i'm slowing them.
- amazed that someone to whom i'm a little connected (in a way) but have never met was affected by the same part of the same song as me.
- grateful that God still loves me and hasn't given up on me (and won't).
~ ~ ~
There's so much on my mind lately I can't make out my own thoughts anymore
I don't know where one begins and the other one ends
I wish that I could push a button and turn it all off just for a little while
Long enough to take a breath and then I'll know
It'll be ok, it'll be alright
-Superchic[k] "Alright"
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