calling

lately i’ve been doing a lot of rereading of old blog posts, which has been a trip in multiple senses of the word. but i’ve been reminded that i used to spend a lot of time thinking about “calling” and what that means, and if it even exists, and how to find out what yours is.

i’ve heard a lot of varying opinions about this, and i still don’t have a proper definition. according to Frederick Buechner, "vocation is where our deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." but when i hear a lot of people talk about calling, they make it sound almost like destiny, and their deep gladness becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, or else they become disillusioned in the pursuit of it. Biblically, when prophets or leaders were called, it was often not for pleasant tasks, and, more importantly, they were generally specifically appointed. is it overthinking to ask questions about calling? it's an interesting exercise, but is it a useful or an accurate one?

but in examining the way i’ve been living my life and the way others live their lives, i think my perspective has changed. in doing my best to live out my life as i learn what matters most to God, i think in a lot of ways, my “calling” has…… sort of just played itself out (so far)? like i spend a lot of time doing what i care about and what interests me, but also trying to align my priorities with what matters more to God. and i can’t measure what positive effect that has had in the world and those around me, if any. but i can see that the approach itself has been fairly unique, and some of the resulting relationships and effects make me think i’ve been filling some little niche that would otherwise go unnoticed. maybe it's more beneficial just to take the next step than to try to figure out all the steps beyond it.