retropost: overload

[written 1/14/13]

this is not ok.

i have four areas in my life that i am currently (or should be) devoted to, and NOT ONE of them receives enough of my time and attention and energy.  not one.  why?  because i just don't have enough of any of those things, and there's not really a way i can get much more, and i can't really give up any of this... at least not right now.

SCHOOL:
oh. my. gosh.  this is like the stupidest thing ever, as if any of it really made a significant difference in my life or ever will (outside of more school).  and it's required.  and supposedly in order to get almost any job (so pretty much to live) you need something from college, which supposedly you need like an 8.68 GPA to get into.  this is all myth.  but stupid.  i'm in one AP class, and i have a B.  whatever.  but i spend most of the time i have at home doing homework for this class.  including weekends.  and i don't have time to study for it because i'm always either doing its homework or i'm at school.  so... just don't take AP, right?  well, my only other alternative (for next year; i'm already committed to this one now) is to sit through bonehead classes all next year and sleep all day.  and still have homework.  or actually learn something in a class full of people who don't care.  which may be my best alternative.  anyway, because of this monster, i have almost no time for anything else.

MUSIC:
beautiful. useful. within my interest and gifting. TOO MUCH!!!  maybe if i had some extra time at home, i could actually devote the time to getting good at the two instruments i play.  maybe if i didn't get home late half the time because of band and orchestra, i would have more time to prepare for them.  i need to know more, to practice more, to play more, but i don't have time.

GOD:
ok.  this is Someone so important that i've had to make time for Him.  it makes a big difference.  between youth group and worship stuff and Bible reading and prayer...  it all takes up a substantial amount of time, but not nearly as much as other stuff.  and it's so worth it.  but almost every time there is something for band or orchestra, like a concert or a practice or something, it ends up being on a night (or day) i would be at church.  ALMOST EVERY TIME!  i would gladly choose this category over the other things if i could.

RELATIONSHIPS:
definitely the most suffering out of the four.  though maybe the least obviously.  definitely the least pressure, which is probably why i have let it slide so much.  but seriously!  how do we actually show God's love?  through relationships!  and though i don't think any of my friends would say i was a bad friend, how much effort have i actually put into growing these relationships?  not enough, more often than not.  seriously, i didn't even get together with ONE of my school friends over summer break.  ummm.... maybe one.  maybe.  i was too busy.  ugh...

sensing a theme here?  most of these things interfere EVEN WITHIN THEMSELVES!!!  AND THERE ARE FOUR OF THEM!!!!  on top of that, i really don't get enough sleep ever (except on Saturdays), and my room looks like a tornado ran through it.  and then went through it again, just for good measure.  i always thought that if i just used my time more efficiently, i could make it work.  which is not too far off; i definitely could still use it more efficiently.  but it still won't be enough.  something has to give.

ugh... i need help.